What does “blindé” mean in French slang?

Blindé literally means “armoured,” as in une porte blindée (a reinforced door). In slang, je suis blindé means “I’m loaded,” very rich, as if your money protects you like armour. The longer version is blindé de thunes, “armoured with cash.” It’s casual, often boastful, and nothing you’d say to your bank adviser.

Context can change it completely. La salle est blindée means the room is packed, and at a party il est blindé can mean he’s very drunk. In this parody of a gut-feeling investor, the trader buys shares on a Friday, cries là, je suis blindé, and explains he needs no strategy because c’est ton ventre qui achète, “it’s your gut that buys.”